So, now we've seen our baby for the first time!

So, it's been a little while (far too long actually) since I've updated; being back at work is really taking it out of me and I'm not exaggerating when I say I don't even have the energy to write a blog by the end of the day!

Well, exactly a week ago today, we went to our first ultrasound scan and saw the baby for the very first time :) I'm a little earlier than we, or anyone else expected - the midwife had given me a likely estimated due date of the 11th of May, possibly the 22nd. But the scan put my EDD at 31st of May, making me only 10 weeks along, and I was told to come back in two weeks for my proper 12 week scan.

I was initially a little disappointed that I wasn't as far along as I had thought I was (it means an extra 2 weeks to worry until we're out of the 'danger zone'!), but then I thought about it and realised we were actually pretty lucky. Being a little earlier at the first scan just means that we got to see our teeny tiny little baby that little bit earlier, we'll have three opportunities instead of two to know that she/he is developing normally and healthily, and we'll get three all-important scan photos instead of the standard two!

So, without further ado, here is our gorgeous, eeny weeny baby :)

How cute!? To think, in this photo, the baby is roughly the size of a grape - that's just insane.

It was such an incredible experience to witness him/her on screen... I know it sounds ridiculous, but even though I knew, of course, that ultrasounds are not static; the baby moves on screen, you get so used to seeing the still images from friends/family etc, that it was a bit of a shock (albeit a pleasant one) to see the baby actually in motion on the monitor. I couldn't believe, and I'm sure Michael was the same, that we were witnessing our baby wriggling around in front of our eyes, at one point his/her little hand was up and waving at us; it was just the most surreal, and beautiful thing I've ever experienced.

Since having the scan last week I have to keep looking at the picture, and looking at my name at the top, just to reassure myself that the little bundle in the picture is actually my baby. It's so crazy to think this little being is swimming around in my tummy right now, there's really a baby in there! The word 'pregnant' had been bandied around so much before the scan that I was almost used to it, but I think it took actually seeing the ultrasound to fully appreciate that Michael and I had really, truly created a baby - and that we were going to be parents. It was quite an overwhelming realisation, but also a very comforting, lovely one. One of the best things about the whole day though, was seeing how happy Michael was at the scan. That boy is such a closed book, and it was so amazing to see how genuinely delighted he was - he came out grinning from ear to ear, and it's so good to know for definite now that he's just as happy about becoming a daddy as I am about becoming a mummy. He'll be fantastic, I know he will.

In other news, it was my birthday a few days before the scan so - we went shopping! And as you can probably imagine, I couldn't possibly leave without buying something for the baby... Michael pretended not to approve, but I think secretly he found them very cute too. Here's some of our first buys for the new addition:

                                                                    Bear hat!

                                                  Little comforter with teddy bear.

                                                         "I love Mummy and Daddy"

                                                           Some simple basics. :)

Oh I do love baby clothes! The grandparents have already started - my mum and stepmum have both been ferretting away bits and pieces - our child is going to be sooo spoiled, and I'm positive they'll have a better wardrobe than I do by the time he/she's born!

Today is my last morning of work and then I have eight lovely days off, which will be very gratefully received. Michael and I are off to the Cameron House on Loch Lomond this weekend with his parents, Norma and Gerry. They have a timeshare up there so we're going to spend a couple of nights and have some lovely relaxation, I really cannot wait. The setting of the hotel is beautiful and this time of year will be just stunning; really looking forward to just soaking it all up and enjoying the fresh air. See baby, you are being taken on luxury weekends before you are even born ;)

After that, we'll have our 12 week scan a week today (Wednesday 16th) and I cannot wait to see our baby again and spend more time with him/her. I'm going to try my best to update more regularly, but it's ciao for now from me and the bump :)

xxx

Baby's first teddy has been bought...

So yes, it's a bit naughty, but I have the first in what will probably be a very large collection of teddies and toys (I really do have a problem, I can't help myself).

Here's a sneaky peek :)

Isn't this the most adorable thing!? I love the whole Jellycat range, I think we'll probably be getting a lot more over the next few months - they're so reasonably priced, as well as being ridiculously cute.

I want to get a proper, collectable teddy bear for the baby as well. I had a special teddy from my grandparents when I was born, and Michael has a teddy bear that is still special, and I'd like our baby to have that too. So far I've looked at the usual suspects, Steiff, Gund, Hamleys etc, but in my search I found a relatively new collectors' range, called Charlie Bears. They're just gorgeous, and actually relatively cheap for a collectors item.

These are a couple of examples of what a Charlie Bear looks like, I think they're beautiful but Michael is yet to be convinced...

                                                                       Charlie Bear 'Riley'

                                                                     Charlie Bear 'Hector'

Well, I really love them. We've been looking at prams, cots and furniture sets today as well. We're going to be so overprepared, in the practical sense, and totally underprepared in every other sense!

Illness slightly better today, but still difficult to sit upright for too long.

Time for an update... Sick as a dog!

I've been spending most of my time with my head down the toilet at the moment, not fun and I'm trying very hard to keep positive and see a light at the end of the tunnel!

I've been missing out on pay at work as a result of physically not being able to go in, and I am getting concerned about the safety of my job if it continues, as I don't have a contract. The stress of that is just adding to the general level of crapness that I'm feeling at the moment.

I'm just clinging on to the fact that my baby's okay, I can struggle on and muddle through with the sickness; my baby's safe and healthy and that's the priority. It's so surreal, how attached to and protective I am of this tiny little thing already. It's really difficult to believe that there is a baby in my tummy at the moment, I can't wait until the bump comes along (although I know I'll probably regret saying that when I'm lugging that weight around in the final few months!)

Bleh, I really am hoping with the next update I'll be more well, and more positive!

First bout of actual morning sickness today.

And it's left me feeling pretty weak and completely devoid of energy :( I had to take the day off work which wasn't great but there was no way I was going to be able to sit in the office, feeling the way I am.

But Michael picked up those sea sickness bands for me, because he's lovely like that, and I think they're starting to work. Which is good for me, since I'm supposed to be training on a whole-day bus tour tomorrow! At least as a member of staff I get to sit in the jump-seat, so that I can see straight out the front window.

I am getting more and more excited about the scan though, and while I know I'm not supposed to be looking at baby clothes yet... Look how cute these are!!

WANT WANT WANT!

I cannot wait til we can start buying this stuff, I'm going to be an expectant-mummy-zilla :)

My mum's going to a psychic night this evening and she's hoping that her dad, my grandpa, will 'come through'. I don't know how much I believe in all that stuff, but I do like to think that Grandpa's watching over us all, and now, our baby. It gives me a sense of security that may well be silly, but gives me comfort nonetheless.

I'm getting to tell my brother and sister tonight, which I'm looking forward to. They are 12 and 10 respectively, so still very young to be auntie and uncle, but hopefully the response will be a good one. My brother, Callum, absolutely loves babies, so I think he'll really be excited at the prospect of being an uncle, and my sister Eva is very laid back so she'll probably just be nonplussed. We're hoping as well that the thought of becoming an uncle might calm Callum down, as he's had some trouble with school recently. Me and his mum (my stepmum Mandy) are hoping it might give him some responsibility.

Hopefully when I next report, my siblings will know, and this sickness will have calmed a bit.

Appointment for first midwife consultation and scan!

Wooo :)

My first appointment with the midwife is going to be at 9.30am on the 2nd of November, so only really three weeks away! We've to allow 1-2 hours for the consultation, and then the first scan is at 3.05pm on the same day :D

Depending on how far along I am, I might get another scan after that, but if I'm already at the 10/11 week mark that'll count as my first scan.

Michael will obviously be coming with me, but I think my mum is going to take us down as parking at our hospital is awful. I'm so happy that my mum's really coming round to the idea and seems to be quite looking forward to having a little grandbaby! The level of support we have is fantastic, and I'm so glad that everyone seems to be looking forward to meeting our little bundle.

And, I'm glad we now have a date to work towards... 2nd of November here we come!

I keep seeing other people's pregnancies...

On facebook and the like, and I just want to join in and be like... THAT'S ME TOO!!!!!

Patience is a virtue that I certainly don't have :( Ohwell, soon enough I suppose. Me and bumpy can make our debut soon enough. It's just so difficult not to drop into conversation with people when at the moment it's so exciting and all-consuming for me.

Things I'm looking forward to:

• The 12 week mark.
• The first scan.
• Taking home the scan photo.
• Telling everyone about this wonderful thing.
• Feeling the first kick.
• My bump beginning to show.
• Holding our baby for the very first time. <3

Patience... Patience... Patience....

Confused.com about my dates, could I be 6-7 weeks?

So, I've been basing my 4/5 week mark on a Clearblue digital test since the doctor wasn't able to give me any more specific timings without an ultrasound. But I've had it confirmed from a few different sources that a reading of 2-3 weeks on a Clearblue test (which I had at the time) actually translates as being 4-5 weeks pregnant.

Which means I'm probably closer to the 6 week mark? So very confused!

I wish I could have a bloody scan already, it seems like nobody knows how far along I am or when I'm due... :(

4/5 weeks pregnant - relieved, happy, ill and tired!

This is the stage I'm at just now, and we've already had a few complications that have worried us quite considerably, but hopefully things are looking up now. A few days after finding out I was pregnant, I was having some awful, searingly painful stomach cramps and phoned NHS 24 for advice, only to be told I needed to see a doctor immediately, and they arranged an emergency out-of-hours appointment. The nurse that I saw examined me and took some samples, and said that while she thought it was only a urinary infection (for which she prescribed me some baby-safe antibiotics) she also couldn't rule out the possibility that the pregnancy was ectopic. Which, understandably, scared the living daylights out of me.

Last week, I was back at my own doctor who took two sets of blood to compare hormone levels and development, and yesterday - thankfully - it was confirmed that my pregnancy is definitely not ectopic and from now on, we have to treat it as a normal, healthy pregnancy! Both myself and Michael are elated, the feeling of relief is just wonderful after such an anxious wait for the results. We can now concentrate on making sure our little baby is properly cared for over the coming months. I've already been taking my folic acid daily, and trying to eat more healthily for him/her.

I've been referred to the midwife but I'm still waiting to hear from her, but hopefully I will hear something soon. The doctor had spoken about a referral for an early scan as she couldn't determine dates for me, and I hope that's the case as I don't want to wait another two whole months for my first scan... Yes, I am impatient! But wouldn't you be, too?

I'm already feeling the nausea and exhaustion that I've got to look forward to for the foreseeable future. The nausea can become pretty intense; it's always there, a nagging presence at the back of my mind and pit of my stomach, but all of a sudden it can take a temper tantrum and spring up violently so that I need to sit down or close my eyes. It's manageable, and as of yet I haven't been physically sick, thank God, but it can be quite overpowering. But hey, small price to pay, right? My mum has recommended ginger ale/biscuits, and Norma my sort-of-mother-in-law has advised special wristbands that use some form of acupuncture to try and curb the nausea so I'll try and pick up both today. That's if I get time after work, but dammit I need something to get rid of this sickness, grrrrr.

The exhaustion as well is something I'm finding quite difficult to deal with, as I really feel I could sleep for 24 hours and then still feel like I hadn't rested at all, so early shifts at work (when I start at 7.30am) are proving quite tiresome, literally. So jealous of my sort-of-sister-in-law, Caileigh - I'm pretty sure she didn't get any of this, the lucky moo :(

It's funny though, because my mum has already made comparisons between her own pregnancy (with me) and what's currently happening to me now. Her exhaustion levels were sky high as are mine, and her nausea increased around dinner time, as does mine. She also has a 'feeling' as she calls it, that I'm carrying a baby girl, and I know I shouldn't, but I do kind of hope that's true! Although it's really early, I'm already looking at gorgeous tiny baby clothes and I cannot wait until I'm able to buy :)

Very excited! Let's hope the nausea/exhaustion has calmed down a little by the time I next report...

Meet the Parents.

So, maybe it's time to formally introduce both myself and my other half? Seeing as you'll be hearing all about our lives for the next 9 months, it seems only polite to let you know what you're dealing with...

As you've probably gathered from the obligatory and unsatisfactory 'About me' section, my name is Rachael, and the man jumping on the baby train with me is my partner of two years, Michael.

I am turning twenty next month, and found out only a couple of weeks ago - in some surprise! - that I am around 4-5 weeks pregnant with our first baby. Although it came unexpectedly, myself and Michael are both really very happy at the thought of welcoming our new little life into the world, and I cannot wait to start telling everyone that we're going to be parents! Currently, only immediate family and very close friends know about the pregnancy, and it will stay that way until I reach the relative safety and haven of the 12 week mark. It's partly why I created this blog; so I could have an outlet to vent all my happiness, frustration and worry while I'm still unable to discuss it all publicly, but it's also to keep a track of my pregnancy for looking back on as well. I don't think I'd want to miss or forget any of this period in my life (although at the moment I could do with forgetting about the nausea). I'm not stupid or naive, I know it's not all going to be rosy and it's still very early days, but hey, that's again why this blog is so important - I get to gush AND vent, unrestrained!

So to tell you a little bit more about myself, when I found out I was pregnant I had already chosen to take a year out of my English Literature course at Edinburgh University, which may seem like perfectly ironic timing. Although, it will probably work out for the best as I'm not being forced to take time that I would otherwise not have wished to take. It does mean that my absence will be prolonged, and I probably won't be returning to Edinburgh (which was never my intention anyway, as I can't stand the place) but to another university that provides adequate childcare. It is still my full intention to attain a degree, and having a baby means that yes, it will be a hell of a lot harder - but not unquestionably unattainable. I'll go back to study English, potentially with journalism studies, and consider doing a postgraduate in teaching to give me a stable career.

Aside from that, I work in a Highland Tour Company as Team Leader/Guest Relations Manager and for the most part I love my job immensely. The job itself is great, it's only the pretty crappy working conditions that let it down and during my pregnancy I think this is going to worry me quite considerably, but we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

My main passion is writing, hence the studying English, and I also sing and sometimes model. I'm hoping I can pass on a little of my creative influence to our baby, as Michael is totally the opposite from me! He's a very logical and sensible thinker, whereas I am much more emotional and prone to allowing my imagination have free reign. I like to think our baby will have the best of both our personalities; I'm hoping she/he can sing and write and emote, but also have some of his/her father's common sense!

So now I should really talk about Michael, and our relationship. As I said, we've been together as an 'official' couple for two years, but we've been drifting in and out of each other's lives for near on seven... I think we always expected to end up together, and here we are - living together with a baby on the way. We did have a pretty large hiccup a few months back, in which we were both to blame, but I'm so glad we worked things out because we are now solid as a rock, and very very much in love. We've both matured a lot over the past little while and now, I'm happy about the environment our child will be raised in; even though we will be young parents, our baby will want for nothing, material or emotional. Although others may not believe it, I think we have a pretty strong foundation for our little blossoming family. Michael is studying towards a degree in Games Design and Development, which will hopefully give him the career that he deserves, and I'm very proud of what he's achieved so far.

I realise that most of this post would make me seem pretty naive, stupid even. But I'm not an unintelligent girl, I know full well that there will be a lot of hardships, sacrifices and upsets from now: during the pregnancy, when the baby arrives, and beyond. But I'm also not foolish enough to think that a baby means the end of the world because, as far as I'm aware, I'm not bearing the antichrist. People manage - we'll manage. We'll make the best of it as we always do, and although it's going to be bloody difficult, I can't wait to meet our beautiful little baby in 8 months time. Is there ever such a thing as a 'perfect time' to have a baby?

I say, bring it on.

So, here we are... Nine months and counting :)

That was just to set the ball rolling - but it's 10.30pm, I'm on an early shift tomorrow morning and in all honesty the baby in my tummy seems to hate me staying away for any longer than oh, a nanosecond. So, I'm off to sleep and will start this blog properly in the morning.

Night all! :)